10 Lives Not Lived
by Atomic Eyes
Summary: I wrote this for thetenspot Which is a muse challenge community where I play Jim (ha and Michael and Dwight). In my little world Jim has a little sister named Jenny so that's whose referred to a little. Anyways, the challenge was 10 lives you've never lived/could have lived. I loved my response a lot, lol, i'm modest clearly. August 2007


**Author: **Atomic Eyes

**Title: **10 Lives not lived.

**Characters/Pairing:** Mostly Jim/Pam, some Jim/Karen

**Rating: **PG-13

**Summary: **TEN lives Jim Halpert never lived/could have lived.

**Word Count:** 2,857

**Author's Notes:** I wrote this for The Ten Spot Which is a muse challenge community where I play Jim (ha and Michael and Dwight). In my little world Jim has a little sister named Jenny so that's whose referred to a little. Anyways, the challenge was 10 lives you've never lived/could have lived. I loved my response a lot, lol, i'm modest clearly. So, I wanted to share with the fandom at large. Feedback is greatly appreciated. (August 2007)

1. "Well then Jimbo, I think you'll be a great addition to our Dunder-Mifflin paper family, as you could tell when you came in for your interview we are a big happy family. Give me a call back and we'll get you to come in to speak to our boring HR guy! This is Michael Scott."

Jim stares at his answering machine and drops his keys on his table, he took his little sister out to a movie and sprang for pizza.

"Dunder-Mifflin? Isn't that a paper company?" Jenny asks, pulling a slice from the box on the coffee table.

"Yep," He responds with a sigh, nearly wincing remembering his interview with the manager Michael Scott and that hellacious moment when an employee named Dwight barged into the office to demand what was going on.

"Jim, Come on. A paper company?"

His sister is giving him that look. She's seventeen and has her whole life figured out already and he's just not like that. He just shrugs.

"I thought you wanted to be a teacher, that program is only like a year and then you could go do something you enjoy!" He hates when his YOUNGER sister gives him life and career advice, he feels so old and useless. At least he's not still living with his parents but Mark isn't going to be able to give him a break on the rent much longer so he's got to find a job.

"I need money Jen," He tells her in a tone that says the discussion is over.

He doesn't call Michael back.

* * *

2. She rejected him itwice/i. He had his heart torn to pieces by the woman he's desperately in love with, twice, and mere moments apart. Jim can still taste her lips.

He leaves a message at Coorporate for Jan telling him he's sorry but he's not going to take the Job in Stamford. He doesn't go back to Dunder-Mifflin, leaving his resignation in Dwight's mail-box, just to give the other man a thrill. He also figures Dwight will think there's a bomb in the letter and make a show of opening it, so it's kind of like his last hurrah prank on him.

He sells everything valuable he owns except his car and his guitar. He gives the majority of the rest of his things to the salvation army.

Jim packs one bag and gets into his car, a full tank of gas. No computer, no cell phone, no way for anyone to contact or find him and he sets off.

It's a year later when he shows up in LA on his sister's doorstep and she takes a look at his too long beard and hair and ushers him inside. He hasn't talked to anyone he knows in an entire year, just sending his family postcards from various cities so they knew he was alive.

He doesn't know if Pam got married or if she's happy and he tells himself he doesn't care.

He stays with Jenny and plays sad songs on the pier for money, his sister supports him and he lets her. He feels like a free soul but he's lonely. He knows he'll never go back to Scranton.

* * *

3. He's not sure why he picked Cujino's for lunch with his new co-worker. He's not sure why he can't stop staring at her shy smile and remembering how she handled Michael with ease, like she'd been working for him for years.

That prospect is kind of depressing though.

They laugh and order amazing food and when he tells her about his first prank on Dwight, she snorts she's laughing so hard and she gets so embarrassed and he knows he's already a goner.

"So yeah, it's weird because it just happened but I really need the money so I can't quit already," She says and he realizes he's being a horrible companion because he didn't hear a word she said; he was too busy staring at her eyes.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" He asks and feels embarrassed himself.

"Oh, Just since Roy and I broke up and he's working in the Warehouse, it's weird because I'll see him a lot now but I just got my own place so I can't really not take this Job." She doesn't look upset that he didn't hear her and he's glad.

Then he realizes what she just said. She was dating Roy Anderson from the Warehouse? Jim guessed he was a nice enough guy just ... not the guy Jim ever understood.

"Yeah, that's got to be rough. Usually we don't see much of the Warehouse guys though, unless Michael decides to include them in his seminars. So It'll be okay for you I'm sure." He says with a sympathetic nod.

"We were just together a long time you know? Since High School and when he asked me to marry him I realized that I was just with him because it was familiar," She sighs and he wants to put his hand over hers.

He just nods.

"On the upside, this means I can ask if you want to go to dinner with me Friday," He says with a small half-teasing smile.

She just laughs, seeming to understand that he's serious but still just trying to make her smile. It's strange to him that she seems to get him already.

"Yeah? I don't know, What's the worst Jelly Bean Flavor?"

He finds it an odd question, "Black," he answers without hesitation giving a shudder.

"And the best Jell-O?"

"Lime. Obviously," He says, giving her a look that says it was a stupid question.

"Yogurt?"

"Mixed-Berry."

She gives him a look and he laughs, "I saw you eating it this morning, figured I'd go the safe route since I don't actually eat yogurt."

She grins and then her face turns serious, "Well I guess I can take you up on that date then."

"Whoa now Beesley, don't get ahead of yourself. I said dinner, not date. I think you just can't handle your attraction to me," He teases her with a huge grin.

She laughs again, "Yep, that's it. I'm going to have a hard time not mauling you at your desk."

He grins wide, his eyes sparkling and yep, he's a goner.

* * *

4. His parents move them all to Wilkes-Barre when he's fifteen and he hates them for it. He misses his friends and his school and his house and he's just an angsty little teenager who hates the world.

Jim's first day of school is disasturous, he's tall and gawky and even though he's really good at Basketball he doesn't make that good of a first impression on the jocks when he tries out for the team.

He sits by himself at lunch and has bread thrown at him from the quarter back of the JV football team. That dick-wad Roy Anderson.

The only good thing about his day is English class. There's this girl who sits in the back row with her sketch pad, she pays attention but she seems lost in her own world and he loves that about her. He just wants to join her in that world.

She's not the prettiest girl in school and she's not outgoing. She's quiet and he's heard people call her weird because she's an artist and is always watching things but Jim is always watching her.

He just doesn't know how to talk to her.

It's two months into the school year when he finally gets up the courage to talk to her, he takes a seat beside her on the steps outside one morning before school. She doesn't even notice him.

"Hi," He says lightly, looking at her.

She doesn't even look up from her sketch pad.

"I told you Roy I don't want to go out with you ..." She says exasperated and then finally looks up with a sigh. She blinks in surprise when she sees him.

"Well I'm glad my name isn't Roy," Jim says in response with a small smile.

She blushes and pulls the sketch pad up to her chest, embarrassed. She bites her lip, "Sorry."

He shrugs like it's no big deal but a weird kind of jealousy burns in his gut at the thought of Roy Anderson always asking out his dream girl.

"I'm Jim," He says looking at her, eyes flicking down to her artist hands.

"Pam," She says with a small smile.

"So Pam, tell me, do you think I could find enough jell-o to fill the swimming pool?"

She laughs and gives him a strange look. "Possibly, but it might break the bank."

He knows he's going to love this girl forever.

* * *

5. "Hey, um, can I ask you a question?" Pam asks, her eyes glassy with the alcohol she's consumed and Jim's heart picks up a pace or two. Not quite as much as it had when she'd kissed him.

He'd tasted the margarita on her lips and he wonders what she tastes like pure, pure Pam.

"Yeah," He answers and she looks at him for a moment like she's going to say all the things he wants her to say. Then her eyes turn a little scared and he cringes internally.

Angela's impatient in the car so Pam turns but instead of getting into the car she tells Angela that Jim is going to take her home. He's surprised. He's shocked and he's unsure what's going on in Pam's head. But he gets to spend more moments with her and that's really all he cares about.

The parking lot clears out of all the Dunder-Mifflin employee's and Jim wonders where the documentary crew is hiding.

"Pam?" He asks with slight concern in his voice.

And then he tastes Margarita again and his arms have time to wrap around her and his body heats up as hers presses against him tightly and he can't help put slide his hand into her hair like he's always wanted to, pulling out the clip holding it back as it falls and his fingers run through it.

When she pulls back her cheeks are flushed and he's breathing heavily.

"I ..." She says, the fear ticking in her eyes again.

Before she can say anything he's got his hands on her cheeks and he's kissing her softly and then pressing his forehead to hers.

"I know," He breathes.

"Time, I need to think," She says, her voice scared and wavering slightly.

He kissed her forehead and nods, "I know. I'll take you home."

* * *

6. She'd been working there a year and he remembers that first day at Cujino's when she told him all about her engagement and how she wanted to be married within the year and she'd picked the perfect date she just had to get Roy to agree with it.

Months went by and there was no announcement and it became too late to make plans and book a chapel and all the other things he was sure you had to do to get a wedding together. He saw her smile and engagement glow fade slowly as the date she'd given him grew closer.

When she showed up in the park that day she looked tired. She'd told him over the phone that Roy was at a football game with his brother and Jim felt irrationally angry at the guy for being so fucking oblivious.

"What are you doing Pam?" He asks her as soon as she sits down beside him and he's not sure why he's angry with her too. Why he's so abrupt. She's become his best friend and he hates seeing the light leave her eyes.

"What?" She asks, startled by his tone.

"What are you doing? Roy's at a freaking football game today. Today. You wanted this to be your wedding day and your fiance' just ... what the hell is that?"

She tenses beside him and he knows he's made her angry but he's angry enough not to care.

"It's complicated," He can hear her trying to restrain her anger.

He turns and looks at her, "No, it's simple."

She wants to slap him and he can tell but this is Pam and she doesn't do things like that. Risk is not her forte'.

"Jim, What is this about?"

"You. It's about you and how you're settling for something. And everyday I watch you get a little bit sadder and I'm afraid that one day that girl that I see come out when we prank Dwight will just be completely gone, swallowed up by her own disappointment. But you are the only one who can change your life Pam," Wow, he has no idea where all that came from.

"You have no right to judge me!"

"Maybe not." And he leaves it at that.

He knows he's struck something in her though and her eyes are racing.

"You have a choice Pam, God, you have no idea how many choices you have," He says, getting up and kissing the top of her head before shoving his hands into his pockets and walking away.

* * *

7. "I just don't get Roy sometimes," She says and he feels his chest seize up and the Echo of chanting from inside the cabin of the boat drifts out over the open water.

She looks at him expectantly and he doesn't know what she wants him to say. It's all on the tip of his tongue, it's been on the tip of his tongue since he met her it seems but he just can't seem to spit it out.

He feels like a heel because she's engaged and he loves her and it's wrong to love someone so much who loves someone else isn't it? Wrong to want her to love him back. But she's looking at him like maybe she does.

"It's just ... I don't know," She continues and his mouth starts to gape open and closed like a fish.

"Pam," He says, finally managing to choke out her name and her eyes flick to his and he knows, just knows that she feels it to.

"Don't marry him," He whispers, his hand reaching out to take hers.

Their fingers slip together and she closes her eyes he feels his heart just stop completely.

"It's cold," She says finally and looks up at him.

He breaks a little as her fingers slip from his and he watches her head back inside.

Later when Roy is drunkenly trying to set a date, Pam doesn't smile and she doesn't get up to kiss her fiance and the entire boat is eerily silent at this rejection. Roy doesn't seem to understand and Pam just stares at him, her eyes watery.

When Roy realizes what's happening and heads outside she finally turns to meet Jim's eyes.

* * *

8. Corporate isn't so bad. He likes the people and David Wallace was right about the HR guy, he's a jackass. Karen took up a job at the office in New York and their apartment is ridiculously expensive and too small for what they're paying for it.

When he returns to Scranton to check in on Michael she never meets his eyes and he never stops for Jelly Beans.

Michael is always betrayed by Jim's presence and Jim knows he feels abandoned again. He asks about Jan and the baby they're expecting. Michael asks about Karen and if she's still putting out - and he tends to do this when Pam is in the room taking notes on the meetings.

Michael insists she's always there and Jim knows she's just as uncomfortable with it all as he is.

When he goes home to Karen and she looks completely domestic, he tells himself he's happy.

* * *

9. "I'm in love with you too," She says and he swears the silence in the dark office is deafening as he stares at her, her lips red from his kiss. He thinks he might hear a shuffling from the kitchen later but he's not sure and he's too focused on what Pam just said to care.

Minutes ago she rejected him and now, with her taste on his lips she's telling him everything he needs to hear.

* * *

10. The wedding stills his heart and he can barely breathe as the minister starts the service. He feels like he's holding his breath waiting for the moment for someone, anyone to object.

When she walks down the aisle she looks so startlingly beautiful that Jim wants to pretend like her smile is only for him.

His heart is still.

"Speak now or forever hold your peace ..."

The church is quiet for a long moment and when someone clears their throat Jim feels like he might die but no words are spoken and his throat is closed, tight.

As the minister continues he can finally breathe, holding Pam's hand tightly as she looks at him with a huge smile. He knows her smile is only for him and when he kisses her and makes her his, he thinks that this is exactly how life should always be.


End file.
